Only Naari

Whether She was Vidhwa or Suhagin ?" While taking the items for last rites of his mother ,pandit ji asked him.

"She is going to meet my father in Heaven ", son replied tearfully, "Dress her for him."

It is painful for children to answer such question. His mother had been his friend, mentor, teacher, coach, motivator, besides being just a widow.  Our religion and society fails to see the other roles of a women than just being Suhagin or Vidhwaa. Between these two categories lies the life of women. That is the bracket that society has given to the women.  Men can walk inside and outside this brackets but a woman's life is confined between single or married. It is the religious mythologies that segregate a woman into categories even after death. A woman is a woman than anyone else. Simple yet complicated. Woman in the country lives with certain preconditioned designs. Male atrocities disguised as religious scriptures and rituals have conditioned the women to become cannibal within their own types. Within the so called bracketed freedom woman has many choices, and most CONTROVERSIAL IS choosing to remain single. In a country of 125 crore people women staying single, require braving male structures and strictures to convert adversities into opportunities. Single woman during the Vedic period in our country used to have quite high status in the society. Neither girl’s birth was considered inauspicious nor her marriage was considered compulsory .She could have get married until she finds the her life partner .She never lacked any respect and authoritative status in family and society.

But today in our patriarchal society when some of us pass misogynic comments for daughters who dare to take decision to remain single and raise their voice against any kind of violence or injustice then this slogan ,"Beti Bachao, Beti Padao" seems to be frippery only .Specially when it comes from all those who have their own daughters or who themselves are daughters or intellectual class of the society who are socially responsible or who owe to this society, then it forces us to rethink is it " Beti Bachao,Beti Padao par aawaj ko uski sada Dabao ? " They are considered odd or failures .

"Girls are our honour " But how this honour can be seen ? It seems as if it all meant for only poor, uneducated , villager and illiterate daughters so that for them you will always be a Saviour who will raise them only from their level but not upto your own level to raise their voice . If she dares to do so then so called 'Saviours' of our society instead of coming out with the solutions to her problems they will splurge on her every action to annihilate her emotionally and mentally till her determined moxie is snapped off.Perplexed to see it all! What inspired me to write this is to Juxtapose the verdicts of honourable court regarding crime cases against Women and their status of remains single makes others to see them 'Public property' .

Unfortunately sometimes the guardians of the Law are the very perpetrators of the girls old enough to be their daughters .

On the flip side of the coin freedom of woman in place like Goa is interpreted as 'available' .In recent verdict the British girl 's convicts were acquitted because convicts were juvenile . Infact it seems in the patriarchal society woman of no age is safe and perpetrators at large can be from guardians of law to psychopathics killers.So what can we do to make this world a better place to live for women.Before that we need to see what makes us to make a taboo to a woman's status as 'Single'. What makes us to see them as banished species? There seems some reasons and notions ;

# Our society and religion at large is not attuned to see a woman as Single .They can not digest that any lady either she is spinster, widow or divorcee, she doesn't have right to enjoy her status of being single.She should rather lament over it. # In our society men take her single status as "Available",as if nobody has now right on us ,if she talks to them or asks for any kind of help then she is taken as available. # If she is working woman then she is considered ambitious and supposed to have no right to work against her family .If she is working to meet her expenses then she is more at pity . # Want to be free bird ,can not take responsibility .Such tags are imposed on her .She is supposed to have no right to say no to unwanted responsibilities or relations . # They may suffer physical and mental problems like depression, cynicism and loneliness.Which scares others to be social with them. # Our society lacks role models of single women,even if we have society doesn't want to see them as role models . # Age factor matters most before 25 years woman is accepted as single but after that life becomes hell for them . Bombarding of questions regarding why they could not marry or why they are divorcee ,haunt them till they quest their thirst of information.

Society has not been taught to RESPECT REFUSAL and ACCEPT REJECTION by woman.If she accepts to remain single and refuses to get married then it not acceptable to anyone in the society . Movies like PINK are shedding the inhibitions amongst the youth, families ,friends by educating people to accept that NO MEANS NO anywhere ,anytime and by anyone . Respect who irrespective of her cast ,colour,creed and Status .Her No to anything or any order must be respected irrespective of this state whether she is single by choice or circumstances made her so.

If we wish to make a beginning in changing the lives of single woman we have to go to the end cycle of woman. We must remove the first question "Whether she was Suhagin or Vidhwa".


Dr.Pragya Kaushik.